drain

I have a lot of friends. Friends that care about me. Friends, who in recent days have showed me a really good time. Friends, who when i am around them, I don't think or care about everything that has been eating at me over these last few months of my life. I really cannot thank these people enough. I needed this weekend and last weekend real bad. It has been so long since i've felt so accepted, and that is exactly what i need right now. I really couldn't be happier with my social life right now.
So I'd like to thank the following people for a great couple of weekends, and hopefully many more to come, and/or just being there:
Lacey
Larissa
Nick
Adam
Nicole
Brittanee
Nikki
Eric
Raff
Cristin
Ron
Jerry
Cameron
and other people that i've chilled with and forgot to mention.

With that being said, the rest of this entry is going to be pretty whiney and depressing, so if you chose to read on, don't be like god Glenn needs to get a life and stop being so depressed and quit whining.

However, the second I leave these people, or the second I lay down at night these memories and feelings just begin to eat at me again and again and I'm just totally wasting away. I have speant the last six months giving everything I could to show that I cared and wanted to be with this one person, even though she doesn't care for me at all. I know what I'm doing is stupid, I know shes never going to want to be with me, but I just can't let it go. As much as I say I want to, I really don't. It's my fault that I'm like this and that I'm not moving on and getting over it, but I can't stop. She was the closest thing I have had to happiness in so long, and finding what I have found in her seems so far out of my reach, so I guess that is why I'm having such a hard time letting go. Maybe it is the fact that she chooses to say nothing when I tell her how I feel about her, or how she won't just come out and tell me that she does or does not care about me anymore. Maybe it is the fact that she is with a complete douche bag who hasn't done shit to show he even gives a fuck about her in the last 6 months, while i continue to sit here and give her all I can give. Maybe it is because when we talk or hang out its exactly the same as when things were good between us. Maybe I'm just a complete and total fucking idiot. Maybe it is all of those things. Maybe it's more. I don't know. The fucked up thing is as much as I love her, she has lied to me and hurt me more than anyone else has in my entire life. You think I would just tell her to fuck off and move on. You think I would realize that I'm better than that, but I just can't do it.
There are a lot of other things going on in my life right now too, that I'm not going to talk about, and I know things could be so, so much worse, but I'm am just a mess right now. My insomnia is getting worse and just taring me apart. It makes me sick. I've had a head ache every day for like two months. I can't think strait. My health is a joke right now and I have really just stopped giving a shit.
I don't know. All I'm sure of is that I need to get my shit together.
I would kill move on, find someone who is real and down to earth that I can share everything with, hold, care for, and recieve just as much as I give to her. Someone who will love and care for me no matter what and will be there when I need her. I don't need anyone, but I would love to have someone.